Top 20 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From The Simpsons

I have had this blog for almost 6 months and not posted any lists, I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed in blog land. So I decided to put together a list of lessons I’ve learned from the show I watched way too much of as a child. I haven’t watched it in several years, I don’t even have standard TV any more, but the golden years of The Simpsons have wisdom that will last the ages.

  1. “When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!”
  2. “I used to be with it, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with, isn’t ‘it’ and what’s ‘it is weird and scary to me. And it’ll happen to you too!”
  3. “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”
  4. “Why would I go to Utah? I love booze, caffeine and monogamy.”
  5. “Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don’t want to be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phoney-baloney church. Or synagogue.”
  6. “In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the women, then you get the money.”
  7. “Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”
  8. “Stupid babies need the MOST attention!”
  9. “Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!”
  10. “You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”
  11. “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel.”
  12. “When you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how drunk you get.”
  13. “Everything looks bad if you remember it”
  14. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: democracy just doesn’t work!”
  15. “You don’t win friends with salad.”
  16. “Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!”
  17. “And remember people, milk goes in the refrigerator. Or, failing that, a cool wet sack.”
  18. “Books are useless! I only ever read one book, ‘To Kill A Mockingbird,’ and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does that do me?”
  19. “Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.”
  20. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

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